It turns out a local artist has a series she calls “Byzantine Reflections,” designed for personal devotions.

Except, it doesn’t look quite right to me. The face shape is off, the proportions are different, the colors look all wrong. And the eyes…that’s not the Theotokos, and it’s not an icon.

I’m told true iconographers can spot heresy in handwritten icons. I wonder what they would see here?

All I know is it’s not a window to Heaven, it doesn’t portray the Mother of God, and it bothers me.

It looks so similar to that which is holy, and it isn’t holy. I wonder if the artist realises, if she knows what’s missing. If she knows that anything is missing. I told a friend it’s like a marriage in a courthouse: kind of the same in some ways, but missing the one thing needful.

He replied by showing me icons-of-a-sort from a monastery that was once Byzantine Catholic, but went a bit rogue theologically and left the Catholic church.

I see some of the same theological issues present here. Again I can’t define them, except to say that the eyes are all wrong.

This looks a lot like the Theotokos and Christ-child. The clothes look right. It says MP OV. It’s obviously supposed to be the Theotokos and Child.

But it’s not.

It’s just really not. I would love to hear an iconographer, priest or theologian’s opinion. All I know is that it’s frightening to me, and uncomfortable.

The Holy Spirit is so present in Orthodox iconography, and it doesn’t seem to be present here. Non-Orthodox iconography, like the Catholic and Protestant styles, sometimes does bother me, but it’s in a different way. I can see theological issues there, but I expect it. This lands in the uncanny valley; it’s almost right, it should be right, but it’s not holy.

Does anyone else notice this?

Here’s a truly Orthodox icon of the Theotokos, a window into Heaven. This is the Mother of God, this the Christ-child. This is a holy icon.

Most Holy Theotokos, pray to God for us!

Say an akathist if you get the chance.

Ah, well. Another chapter ended, a page turned. I haven’t read what happens next.

I don’t mean to forget Matthew. We aim to stay as close as possible; he’s my best friend. There can’t have been a friendlier, better break-up in all of history. I’m not losing anything, not really; I get to keep all the important parts, the friendship, the partnership we share.
Still, I’d like to stop missing dating him. He’s a gem, and I don’t know if I’ll find another like him.

In time. In time, in time, in time.

+ insecurity

+ leadership

+ gracefulness

+ pressure

+ spite

+ striving

+ discovery

+ concern

+ effort

+ stress

= one giant ball of stress

LIT ON FIRE.

Please pray for me.

So, all in all, God is good and I will be okay.

And to finish in Tolkien’s Elvish: Anwa ortanne laivino. Truly He is risen.

Becoming useful to the fire department isn’t easy, it’s frustrating and time-consuming. The person I want to be would smile, shrug and study harder. Apparently I get snappy and then cry.

The saints didn’t act like emotional brats. I can see that I am, but how do I stop?

I don’t know where I put my prayer rope.

Fasting is a pain.

“Fasting is wonderful, because it tramples our sins like a dirty weed, while it cultivates and raises truth like a flower.”

Working is a pain.

“Why do you beat the air and run in vain? Every occupation has a purpose, obviously. Tell me then, what is the purpose of all the activity of the world? Answer, I challenge you! It is vanity of vanity: all is vanity.”

Keeping a clear head is a pain.

“There is nothing impossible unto those who believe; lively and unshaken faith can accomplish great miracles in the twinkling of an eye. Besides, even without our sincere and firm faith, miracles are accomplished, such as the miracles of the sacraments; for God’s Mystery is always accomplished, even though we were incredulous or unbelieving at the time of its celebration. “Shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect?” (Rom. 3:3). Our wickedness shall not overpower the unspeakable goodness and mercy of God; our dullness shall not overpower God’s wisdom, nor our infirmity God’s omnipotence.”

Finances are a royal pain.

“In the matter of piety, poverty serves us better than wealth, and work better than idleness, especially since wealth becomes an obstacle even for those who do not devote themselves to it. Yet, when we must put aside our wrath, quench our envy, soften our anger, offer our prayers, and show a disposition which is reasonable, mild, kindly, and loving, how could poverty stand in our way? For we accomplish these things not by spending money but by making the correct choice. Almsgiving above all else requires money, but even this shines with a brighter luster when the alms are given from our poverty. The widow who paid in the two mites was poorer than any human, but she outdid them all.”

Such is life.

Grace shining forth from your lips like a beacon has enlightened the universe.

It has shown to the world the riches of riches poverty;

it has revealed to us the heights of humility.

Teaching us by your words, O Father John Chrysostom,

intercede before the Word, Christ our God, to save our souls!

Fr. John Chrysostom, pray to God for me.

Romans 8:35-38

hat tip to Fr. John for the reminder

Life is beautiful.

We knew all that already.

But so it goes.

Why did Jesus say, “And thou art Peter”?  Why not, “Atta boy, Peter!” or “You got it, Peter!”

And what is “this rock”?  Not “THE rock”, but “THIS rock”?  Why didn’t Jesus just say, “You have spoken Truth, and it is upon the rock of My divinity that the Church will be established”?  Or, “Peter, you are A Pebble, but soon you will be The Rock and you will establish My Church?” as expositors for Catholicism or Protestantism have interpreted the Greek?

What is “THIS rock”?

“This rock” seemed to me as I brushed my molars, is simply this:

“This rock” is the capacity for a human being to recognize God in human flesh… AND

“This rock” is God in flesh knowing the name of a human being.

Hmm…I like that. Food for thought indeed.