Letters to a Beginner

A long time ago, at the very beginning of this blog, I wrote that I’d bought Abbess Thaisia’s “Letters to a Beginner.”

I was looking for something to read before bed, and decided on this. I don’t do very well as a single person–I’m impatient, I want to meet The Husband now. Never mind that I’m not ready for a relationship. Never mind that I’m not yet twenty, and have no need to rush. Patience has always been a virtue I admired…from afar. But anyway, somehow it makes sense to me that, if I’m having trouble being unattached in the world, then perhaps I should study monasticism.

Each path is its own discipline. I don’t plan to become a monastic, not yet anyway. Maybe eighty years from now, if my kids are grown and circumstances are right. But not yet. There are so many miracles in marriage. I’ve known since I was six years old that I wanted children.

Still, I think I need to create a rule of prayer for my life. I need to create my own semi-monastic tradition, in that I don’t want to be a hedonist. I want to be the best child of God I can be. So I will study whatever I can, whether it be advice for the already-married or wisdom for future monastics. And as always, I will pray.

It’s been a long while since I first began “Letters to a Beginner,” so I’m starting over. And, like I promised, I’ll post a little from the chapters.

I do keep my promises. I’m just slower than molasses. Frozen molasses.

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Introduction:

“Why can’t we, free women of the 20th Century, have paradisal otherworldliness rhythmically beating in our breasts? Why should the saints of the past be the only Godbearers, and we not have God at our side? What hinders the contemporary woman, albeit living in ultra-modern surroundings, from having at hand patristic, ascetic spiritual power, endowed by Christ Himself? What hinders us from truly being with God?”

“That which the modern fashions and mores call necessities, but which are really burdens.”

“The mystical, spiritual life . . . is the ultimate fulfillment of our lives here upon this earth.”

The book was written in 1900.

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Letter one:

“I can tell you this first time only one word, but a word of such importance that all your further success will depend on how you fulfill it, as well as your personal calmness and peace of the soul, which is precisely the condition of our salvation. Here is the word: Strive to love everyone!”

Bookstore Purchases

When I went to the church bookstore, I had precisely $30 in my wallet: one ten, and one twenty. 

50-knot chotki cost $15.

So of course I felt completely justified in buying something else. An icon, perhaps…? But all of those were at least $6, and usually more, so that wouldn’t do. I will not stiff the church, not even by a dollar. So I looked at books, and saw one I had to have…for $6.

Which meant I had to buy two books. Luckily, I saw this:

It’s Abbess Thaisia’s Letters to a Beginner, once given to all young women considering monasticism. I suppose it’s a funny purchase, considering I’m not likely to end up in a convent, but especially so because I also purchased a small book on how to choose the right helpmate for life. I’ve been thinking about my relationship lately, and my young man’s pretty darned special. But I knew I wanted both books as soon as I saw them. I’ve felt like a spiritual beginner lately, despite more or less growing up in the Church, and I hope regular doses of Abbess Thaisia will help.

The Dog Ate My Prayer Rope

…about a year ago. He also ate my mother’s. For a while I did have a second one from St. John Chrysostom’s in Kenosha, a pretty little 33-knot one with a green bead that fit just perfectly around my wrist, but that went AWOL pretty quickly.

So on Friday I finally bought myself a new one from the church bookstore. It’s so soft! It’s got thick wool knots with just the right amount of give, smooth wooden beads every ten knots, and a fluffy cross tassel at the end. I honestly think it’s perfect.

I remember picking out my very first chotki. I was six and a half, and it was right before we got baptized. I, of course, chose a 50-knot one with see-through pink beads. Mom’s had opaque purple beads (which means I probably picked it out, too) and was significantly longer. Well over a decade later, my prayer rope showed a little wear–but only a little. Mom’s knots were worn smooth and tight, and it was stretched from use. During confession, I noticed Father John’s chotki looked similarly well-used.

I felt different as I bought myself my first adult chotki. At first I was disappointed it isn’t terribly pretty. Now I’ve decided it’s a good thing. I was rather vain about the wristlet chotki–it looked like a bracelet with its deep sea-green bead–which rather defeats the point.

This is my new one:

And this…this is my new blog. I suppose the point of this blog is this: I’m working on wearing my wool knots smooth.

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The story of the first chotki can be found here. 

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.